It’s not a fucking rondo
Will you Still love me tomorrow?
This is a Substack about football.
Is it? I think so but it might also be about other things that interest me. Like culture, places, politics, and how football is reflected in those spaces. James Bird wrote that “football at its best can be a safe space from a world intent on destroying itself” but that “football is also society itself”. When this substack is about football it’ll likely be about Southampton Football Club. A mediocre, frankly almost bland football club yo-yoing between the top flight of English football and complete insignificance.
This might be a bit shit.
But fuck it! Let’s be a little more High Performance, shall we? Let’s ignore the naysayers, the pessimists, the cynics and just bloody go for it. I can hear one of Steven Bartlett’s painfully inane quotes about motivation. (I despise that charlatan Bartlett. Although this isn’t the last mention of High Performance. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
I’ve been consuming a lot of Will Still content since his appointment. Chronically online football fans were also subjected to a lot of Will Still content around 2022/2023. He didn’t have the right badges and went a few games unbeaten. He’s also English? But also speaks French and Dutch. I gotta say, I’m a sucker for a multi-lingual king. Why is that? I find it so impressive when people switch languages like he can. The title of this article is from a clip where he’s coaching Reims in training, aggressively barking orders in French but then switches to say “it’s not a fucking rondo” in an almost cockney accent. Goosebumps.
He’s very High Performance isn’t he? I must have subconsciously known but as I went to write that I googled ‘Will Still High Performance’ and low and behold, 4th of September 2023 he was a guest on Jake Humphrey’s High Performance podcast. I’ve never listened to a single second of that plop but I’m going to have to, aren’t I. It’s an hour and 40 minutes long. It’s certainly more Will Still content than I need but I’m going to do it.
I think you have to say both names don’t you? Will and Still. There’s an exquisite Football Cliches clip where they play audio of Jason McAteer trying to get a word in edgeways with Keys and Gray. They’re talking about interesting managers, and McAteer keeps suggesting “Still?”, “thingy Still?”, “Is it Will Still?” for genuinely ages, and neither Keys or Gray are listening to him. It’s fantastic. I’ll try out Still for a bit and see how you like it.
The appointment of Still felt as good as Saints fans could have possibly hoped for. I don’t care if he’s got Huel down his tracksuit, the guy motivates ya. He draws you in. Sure, he’s been ploughing fields in the Ligue des Agriculteurs but come on! Who else could we have got? Rohl? Hair’s too high. Dyche? Let the guy recover from whatever music festival he just got back from. Rosenior? Don’t mind it tbh.
Still, Still has a big job on his hands. The squad list is a really tough read. There’s so many players I’d absolutely love to never, ever see in a Saints shirt again. It’s easier to start with the few I’d like to stay. Maybe I’m being harsh – and I’m a realist – because we won't keep Harwood-Bellis, Ramsdale or Dibling. Of course I’d keep those lovely lads. Fantastic footballers. And whilst Ramsdale is a bit of a strange fella, I think he’s been brilliant. Maybe it’s relative to what he replaced. In fact, I don’t care, excellent keeper is Aaron. Ok who would I keep? It’s a short list.
Mateus Fernandes (one can dream)
Nathan Wood
Ronnie Edwards
Shea Charles
Cameron Archer (will score loads in the Championship, mainly because the league is so much worse)
I can’t be arsed to explain the omissions from that list. Just trust that I’ve thought it through.
Let’s move on to our spectacled new sporting director: Johannes Spors. If he was called John Spork I wouldn’t even be mentioning him here. But that German allure. The heavy-metal football. More Klopp than Pep. It gets you going.
He’s saying all the right things, and this ain’t some suit crunching the numbers. He knows footy. At Hoffenheim he scouted one of my all-time favourite Premier League footballers, Roberto Firmino. As in actually brought him from Brazil to Europe. If you know what a wonderful, often undervalued, skill-set Firmino had, it should perk you up. Oi perk up will you.
Not sure where this Substack goes from here – but more silly little words will be written. Of that I am convinced. For now, can we all just revel in how wonderful it is to not watch Southampton Football Club every week.
We’re called The Cink (pronounced ‘sink’) because of two reasons.
If you go clockwise around St Mary’s starting with The Chapel Stand, the four stands spell out C-I-N-K.
It’s also a little nod to The Pink, a local, longstanding and much-loved sports newspaper which ceased publication in 2017 after 119 years.